Over 30 and still single, post here.

ElVee

I could go either way on planning for first dates. I am not about to exert a potentially aversive amount of effort on a date for someone I may not actually want a second date with. As I get serious about someone, I'll definitely do more planning on dates, especially special occasions. But then, you get to know your partner far better and date ideas come more naturally without nearly as much planning. There are always exceptions, and maybe I want to try something out on someone, and that's totally cool. Just be sure to keep it lighthearted and not make it seem like you're desperate or ready to be ultra-clingy, ya know?

Most of the time, I really just want dinner, maybe coffee/movie or hang out somewhere so we can both get to know each other on a completely innocent level. Maybe do something new or try something out if she's game for it and I've at least met her before. But most of the time, first dates mean introduction and get-to-know-you time.

A movie where you may not talk for 2 hours might actually be a good thing. For me, I love movies and I'm an introvert. I don't require constant conversation in order to "spend time with someone." If my date can't handle that, we won't date much. It's not that I am shy and don't WANT to talk to her, but I need to know a woman can handle that and enjoy it. Besides, if you can spend time together but not REQUIRE interaction on a huge level, that might say something about how compatible you two may be living together for a long period of time. Silence and being comfortable around each other without doing the same thing is a big deal in the long run. In a way, it's like saying those silences in the middle of a conversation should be comfortable silences, not uncomfortable ones. It's the things done in between the big moments that support the happiness.

In the end, everyone is different and has different ideas on what is fun or useful for a first or any date. Don't dash someone else's ideas just because they're not your idea of fun.

Ghostvette

I agree. The movie/dinner/drinks has been my 'reliable' first date. It gives me an opportunity to be observant and ask questions/talk over dinner. I've had more than my share of dates that didn't get past the dinner stage because of no chemistry or the 'I'm glued to my phone texting everyone else rather than talking to you' behavior. IMHO, the latter is just rude. Emergencies are one thing, but having a texting conversation with who knows who while at dinner with someone else smacks of high school behavior and over 30 is just ignorant. Yes, first dates are nerve-wracking, we both want to make a good impression, but not seem desperate.

I had one 'first-date' that I knew within 5 minutes it wasn't going anywhere. Trying to get simple information like 'what do you do' was like pulling teeth. She kept talking about how someone was coming over to her house to do a photo-shoot for a magazine and topics that were all about her. Not a single question about what I do, just a litany of complaints. I said "you know, maybe we should try this another time, this just doesn't seem to be a good day." Probably a wise choice, because she had cancelled the first 2 attempts to get together. I chalked it up as a learning experience, and I don't worry about it.

Like Chuck said earlier in this thread, it's a numbers game. Somewhere out there is someone we can get along with, don't be in a hurry, just relax and have fun.

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Cmike2780

I thought fat chicks were supposed to be jolly

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exsanity

Yes, I think so. I usually have a few ideas to throw out there, but nothing planned.

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dtul

I've taken a few girls to a local art gallery that lets you spray paint on the walls. It really was a lot of fun, and they always enjoyed it. Two of those first dates resulted in long-term relationships and one of those probably wouldn't have even been a second date if we'd just gone the normal dinner and a movie route. Mix it up and be creative, girls love it. You can be the most boring person in the world, but it makes you seem exciting and creative and unafraid to break the trends for what is normally expected of you. Just never go to a sporting event on a first date. Terrible idea the two times I tried it.

XiP

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122554

What a great idea! Get on a forum of people u don't know, where the only thing u have in common is a car, and ask about dating!

You'll go far!

FAIL

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I don't normally drink beer, but when I do....i drink a lot!

XiP

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Haboob

please.

Driftomodachi

Divorced. Married for 7 years. I hope to leave the "Lonely Driver's Club" soon if things work out. Not gonna make the same mistake twice though lol

exsanity

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frost

Just people chatting on a forum to pass time. Novel concept, I know. Why not cut everyone some slack?

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370z OG

exsanity

No chat for you!

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frost

I must have missed the nazi spock episode

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DIGItonium

Just a topic many can relate to, and it has been a fun one. I've run into several friends who are in the same situation as well. Where I'm at it IS tough. It's just the mentality.

The girl I met at a restaurant a few months ago (youngest, who was honest enough to tell me she had no interests) contacted me out of the blue. She met a guy and later realized was a total dbag. He couldn't respect women. She said that's what she gets for falling for a good looking guy since it matters to her. She says lots of guys here treat her well, but she has no interest in them. Then tells me to come visit her workplace on Wednesday. Ha! I'm not falling for that. Maybe get her to meet me up instead. Although she's fun to talk to, that's pretty much it.

As for the one I went on a date with last week, I bumped into her Friday night at a piano bar, had drinks, danced, etc. I made moves to get closer (hugs, kisses on the side, hand contact, etc.), and she responded quick. Phone communication is still iffy. This is all deja vu, and my spider senses are tingling... I have a feeling she's already got someone. I'll just ride this one out and try to squeeze in a few more dates since she hasn't given me the "speech" yet. Peculiar behavior, indeed.

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