A teacher gave her students an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end. The next day, the kids came back to class
|
|
LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
09-13-2010, 04:23 PM | #796 (permalink) |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CA
Age: 38
Posts: 9,513
Drives: Scoobaroo
Rep Power: 3406 |
A teacher gave her students an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day, the kids came back to class and one by one told stories about spilled milk and pennies saved. When it was little Janie's turn she walked to the front of the class and gave her presentation: "My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife until the blade broke, and then killed the last with her bare hands." 'Good heavens!' exclaimed the teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you the moral of the horrific story was?' Little Janie replied, "Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking." |
09-14-2010, 02:13 PM | #797 (permalink) | |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Memphis
Age: 35
Posts: 16,104
Drives: 09 A/T 370z blue
Rep Power: 53 |
Quote:
__________________
Brake Upgrade Package ate blue, hawk hp ceramic pads, and slotted rotors |
|
09-21-2010, 02:41 PM | #798 (permalink) |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: West Covina, Ca
Posts: 1,052
Drives: 3million Z
Rep Power: 17 |
Haha this thread is great! Bump for temporary joy!
__________________
Providing you with OEM/JDM & aftermarket performance Check us out at thenismoshop.com
|
09-21-2010, 02:51 PM | #799 (permalink) |
Track Member
|
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!" "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ***, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first." From joke.com
__________________
i Don't Drive Fast, i just Fly Slow. |
09-21-2010, 03:40 PM | #800 (permalink) |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: West Covina, Ca
Posts: 1,052
Drives: 3million Z
Rep Power: 17 |
__________________
Providing you with OEM/JDM & aftermarket performance Check us out at thenismoshop.com
|
09-26-2010, 12:26 PM | #803 (permalink) |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NY
Age: 36
Posts: 9,192
Drives: Z32TT & 335xi Coupe
Rep Power: 37 |
A man is sun-bathing nude at the beach; a little girl comes up to him so he covers his penis with a newspaper. The little girl asks, 'What's under there?' The man says, 'A bird.' The girl walks away and the man falls asleep. He wakes up later in a hospital and is in great pain. A doctor and a policeman are at his bed, the doctor asks ...him, "Do you remember what happened?" The man replies, 'I don't know; I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl." The policeman says "I asked her what happened and she said, 'I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was asleep, I played with his bird. It spit at me! So I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed the two little eggs!
|
09-26-2010, 01:36 PM | #804 (permalink) | |
Track Member
|
Quote:
__________________
i Don't Drive Fast, i just Fly Slow. |
|
09-26-2010, 02:04 PM | #805 (permalink) |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 30,879
Drives: 370z
Rep Power: 4210 |
__________________
theDreamer's Z // Fast Intentions // Uprev // GTM // HKS // TEIN theDreamer's Silvia // URAS // GREDDY Houston Zs // Facebook // Twitter // Instagram |
10-04-2010, 01:32 PM | #806 (permalink) |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: .
Posts: 42,608
Drives: .
Rep Power: 3886 |
One year, I decided to
buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ______________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ________________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ |
10-04-2010, 05:08 PM | #807 (permalink) |
Track Member
|
4 men in a prison cell...
A psycho, a rapist, a murderer, and a gay... The murderer says If there was a cat in here I'd **** that **** till it died, The rapist says ya I'd would tie it up and **** it while it cried and begged me to stop, The physco then replies I would **** that **** so hard and cum all over its face... The gay man stood there lonely in a corner with a creepy smile on his face and replies "MEOW"
__________________
i Don't Drive Fast, i just Fly Slow. |
10-04-2010, 05:09 PM | #808 (permalink) | |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 55,385
Drives: on two wheels
Rep Power: 6962 |
Quote:
__________________
- Steve Zs & Coffee - Saturdays at 10AM in Fairfax, VA and Columbia, MD (Click the banner!) LIKE us on Facebook! |
|
10-04-2010, 05:12 PM | #809 (permalink) | |
WFLYIDNNE
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In The Fastlane
Posts: 50,648
Drives: 02 GDB WRX
Rep Power: 452 |
Quote:
Edit: Thats why!
__________________
Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall! R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14 Last edited by XwChriswX; 10-04-2010 at 05:15 PM. |
|
10-04-2010, 06:51 PM | #810 (permalink) |
A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: West Covina, Ca
Posts: 1,052
Drives: 3million Z
Rep Power: 17 |
__________________
Providing you with OEM/JDM & aftermarket performance Check us out at thenismoshop.com
|
Bookmarks |
|
|