Joke of the Day

Togo · 03-14-2010, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XwChriswX

Edited.

haha no, she doesn't shop at Home Depot

ejrives · 03-14-2010, 09:55 PM

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Togo · 03-14-2010, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ejrives

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

hmmm well that really depends on how hard you are throwing them

XwChriswX · 03-15-2010, 12:22 AM

Since were on the topic of dead babies...

A woman goes into Labor and gets taken to the hospital. During the birth, she passes out from the pain. After a while she wakes up to the sight of the Doctor swinging her baby around in the air by the umbilical cord. Round and round it goes till finally he lets go of it and SPLAT!!!!

"OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" She screams. "WHY DID YOU JUST KILL MY BABY?!?!"

The doctor replies, "April Fools! It was already dead."

Lemers · 03-15-2010, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XwChriswX

Since were on the topic of dead babies...

A woman goes into Labor and gets taken to the hospital. During the birth, she passes out from the pain. After a while she wakes up to the sight of the Doctor swinging her baby around in the air by the umbilical cord. Round and round it goes till finally he lets go of it and SPLAT!!!!

"OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" She screams. "WHY DID YOU JUST KILL MY BABY?!?!"

The doctor replies, "April Fools! It was already dead."

That's just wrong

XwChriswX · 03-15-2010, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemers

That's just wrong

Yeah, I'm prolly gonna burn in hell for that one lol.

Good thing I just finished beating Dante's Inferno, so I know how to maneuver my away around and get redeemed.

initialgemini · 03-15-2010, 12:48 AM

On the dead baby topic...

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.

What's funnier than a dead baby in clown suit?

Nothing...

ejrives · 03-15-2010, 01:41 AM

since we're talking about clowns

What the worst part about having sex with a 9 year old?

Getting the blood stains out of your clown suit

/def going to hell

Togo · 03-15-2010, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ejrives

since we're talking about clowns

What the worst part about having sex with a 9 year old?

Getting the blood stains out of your clown suit

/def going to hell

Hey man.. nothing wrong with that..

If they are old enough to pee, then they are old enough for me!

ishthemienguy · 03-15-2010, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

Hey man.. nothing wrong with that..

If they are old enough to pee, then they are old enough for me!

...yea....everyone is going to hell... I guess I'll see you guys there

Lemers · 03-15-2010, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

Hey man.. nothing wrong with that..

If they are old enough to pee, then they are old enough for me!

I thought it was "old enough to bleed old enough to breed". But I like "incest is the best put your cousin to the test"

Togo · 03-16-2010, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemers

I thought it was "old enough to bleed old enough to breed". But I like "incest is the best put your cousin to the test"

The bleed one is also true, but lets face it.. do they bleed or pee first? I want to get in there ASAP!

I'm glad I'll know people in hell

209Z · 03-16-2010, 11:24 PM

this was from fmylife.com

all FML moments which is what this website is all about.

Here was a post from a chick. Not really a joke..but a hilarious moment.

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

Togo · 03-18-2010, 07:02 PM

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.

Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game, but unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.

"I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow!"

"Relax, honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her. "It will all be OK."

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
"Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon" he replied.

Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!"

"What is it?" she cried excitedly.
"OK. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'
And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'"

Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.
"The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.

And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins.

The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience
of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds."

"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good.
Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds."

"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough," said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!"

phelan · 03-18-2010, 07:10 PM

lol togo i was just about to yell at you

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit at exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says proudly. The officer, chuckling, explains that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing our her error. "But before I let you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."

"Oh they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off route 142."

03-14-2010, 09:55 PM	#647 (permalink)
ejrives A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,449 Drives: 09-6MT-T/S/N Rep Power: 18	How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? __________________ "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." Stillen G3 CAI \|\| 35% tints \|\| FI CBE coming soon...

03-15-2010, 12:22 AM	#649 (permalink)
XwChriswX WFLYIDNNE Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: In The Fastlane Posts: 50,648 Drives: 02 GDB WRX Rep Power: 452	Since were on the topic of dead babies... A woman goes into Labor and gets taken to the hospital. During the birth, she passes out from the pain. After a while she wakes up to the sight of the Doctor swinging her baby around in the air by the umbilical cord. Round and round it goes till finally he lets go of it and *SPLAT!!!!* "OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" She screams. "WHY DID YOU JUST KILL MY BABY?!?!" The doctor replies, "April Fools! It was already dead." __________________ Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall! R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14

03-15-2010, 12:48 AM	#652 (permalink)
initialgemini Enthusiast Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Irvine, CA Posts: 340 Drives: 2011 FX 35 Rep Power: 250	On the dead baby topic... What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit. What's funnier than a dead baby in clown suit? Nothing... __________________ CY 370z \|Sports Package\| Berk CBE\| Berk High Flow Cats (awaiting install)\|BBS LM\|Eibach Pro-Kit Springs\|Stillen Sway Bars\|TWS Shift Knob\|B&M Short Shifter

03-15-2010, 01:41 AM	#653 (permalink)
ejrives A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,449 Drives: 09-6MT-T/S/N Rep Power: 18	since we're talking about clowns What the worst part about having sex with a 9 year old? Getting the blood stains out of your clown suit /def going to hell __________________ "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." Stillen G3 CAI \|\| 35% tints \|\| FI CBE coming soon...

03-16-2010, 11:24 PM	#658 (permalink)
209Z A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Stockton, Cali (209) Posts: 1,058 Drives: 09 370z Rep Power: 278	this was from fmylife.com all FML moments which is what this website is all about. Here was a post from a chick. Not really a joke..but a hilarious moment. Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML __________________ Team Blur My Build Thread Fast Intentions\|KWS\|BERK\|Carbon Fiber Element\| SEIBON\|Memphis Car Audio\| Status Autoworks\|Lusso Forged\|Autohaus\|PWJDM\|SPC

03-18-2010, 07:02 PM	#659 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize. Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game, but unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow!" "Relax, honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her. "It will all be OK." Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. "Where are you going?" Jane asked. "I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon" he replied. Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she cried excitedly. "OK. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'" Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question. "Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds." "Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..." "That's close enough," said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!" __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

03-18-2010, 07:10 PM	#660 (permalink)
phelan A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: CA Age: 38 Posts: 9,513 Drives: Scoobaroo Rep Power: 3406	lol togo i was just about to yell at you Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit at exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says proudly. The officer, chuckling, explains that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing our her error. "But before I let you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." "Oh they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off route 142." __________________ 凛 ('Rin') - 2009 Nissan 370Z With silence comes peace. With peace comes freedom. With freedom comes silence.