Joke of the Day

phelan · 11-06-2009, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and
walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have
just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there
is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese,
but no Arabs or Iranians. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why
there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush cracked a little grin, leaned toward the Iranian
ambassador, and whispered back, "That's because it takes place in the
future."

oOoOOoOoOooOOoooooooooooooo!

Chico370Z · 11-13-2009, 12:11 PM

...bump...anyone got anything for Friday?

Chico370Z · 11-13-2009, 02:40 PM

here...this one is from a different forum:

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont , Texas , who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth . One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas .

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time 'working girl.'

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama for President?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:10 PM

Since we have some females on the board.. i'll post some jokes for hte ladies.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:12 PM

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

And they say blondes are dumb...

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:12 PM

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

XwChriswX · 11-13-2009, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

Since we have some females on the board.. i'll post some jokes for hte ladies.

You don't have to tell a joke, just set the temperature down real low in the 'Gentlemans Section' of the forum and they'll get all the entertainment they want.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:13 PM

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XwChriswX

You don't have to tell a joke, just set the temperature down real low in the 'Gentlemans Section' of the forum and they'll get all the entertainment they want.

Lol...

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:15 PM

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

XwChriswX · 11-13-2009, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

LoL

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:17 PM

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:18 PM

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have
one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:19 PM

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Togo · 11-13-2009, 03:20 PM

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

11-13-2009, 12:11 PM	#377 (permalink)
Chico370Z Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: East Bay, CA Posts: 233 Drives: 09 370Z Touring Rep Power: 16	...bump...anyone got anything for Friday? __________________ 04 Nissan Sentra SpecV: Brembos, Nismo Intake/Exhaust/Short Shifter, Eibach Sportlines, ES MMI - SOLD / / / 09 Nissan 370Z Touring: Invidia Gemini Exhaust, ERZ HFC, GTM 25 Row Cooler, Z1 Tubes, and K&N Drop Ins

11-13-2009, 02:40 PM	#378 (permalink)
Chico370Z Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: East Bay, CA Posts: 233 Drives: 09 370Z Touring Rep Power: 16	here...this one is from a different forum: Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont , Texas , who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth . One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas . I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time 'working girl.' All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama for President? Signed, Worried About My Reputation __________________ 04 Nissan Sentra SpecV: Brembos, Nismo Intake/Exhaust/Short Shifter, Eibach Sportlines, ES MMI - SOLD / / / 09 Nissan 370Z Touring: Invidia Gemini Exhaust, ERZ HFC, GTM 25 Row Cooler, Z1 Tubes, and K&N Drop Ins

11-13-2009, 03:10 PM	#379 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	Since we have some females on the board.. i'll post some jokes for hte ladies. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:12 PM	#380 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ." And they say blondes are dumb... __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:12 PM	#381 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:13 PM	#383 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:15 PM	#385 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:17 PM	#387 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:18 PM	#388 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:19 PM	#389 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 03:20 PM	#390 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan