Joke of the Day

phelan · 11-02-2009, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

How many members of the forum does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
1 douche to argue that the light bulb needs to be dyno'd to show it operates better than the orginal
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "+1"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Mergnthwirker · 11-03-2009, 06:30 PM

OK, Here's one...

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"

The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work."

The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!"

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?"

The mother replies, "Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"

Togo · 11-03-2009, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mergnthwirker

OK, Here's one...

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"

The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work."

The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!"

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?"

The mother replies, "Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"

haha i saw it coming but i lol'd anyways...

+rep

Chico370Z · 11-05-2009, 12:33 PM

...it's almost the end of the week...a little help here?

Togo · 11-05-2009, 12:37 PM

Chinese Sick Day

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Boss, I no come work today, I real sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her "give me sex". That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again; "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon..... You got nice house."

Togo · 11-05-2009, 12:42 PM

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below:

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

Chico370Z · 11-05-2009, 01:01 PM

^nice lol Thanks!

Togo · 11-05-2009, 01:03 PM

simota1 · 11-05-2009, 07:13 PM

hahahhaha nice joke togo

Togo · 11-05-2009, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by simota1

hahahhaha nice joke togo

Thanks Sim

More to come tomorrow. I'll make sure I make Friday good because 1, it's friday and 2, because I'll be gone all weekend and won't be using my comp.

wheee! · 11-05-2009, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snakes709

so to baby seals walk into a club.......ohhh enviromental people wont like that one

I know its stupid...some guy said it to me when we were working on the tanks at work..lol

OK... you a vtech at the Strats??? I'm FCS there.

XwChriswX · 11-06-2009, 09:28 AM

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was.
Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than meets the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.' About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote this:

__________________________________________________ ________

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

__________________________________________________ ________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

__________________________________________________ ________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

SGTseanzie · 11-06-2009, 12:47 PM

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

Togo · 11-06-2009, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XwChriswX

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was.
Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than meets the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.' About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote this:

__________________________________________________ ________

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

__________________________________________________ ________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

__________________________________________________ ________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

hehehe i posted a variation of this one

Togo · 11-06-2009, 01:44 PM

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard ladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."

11-05-2009, 12:33 PM	#349 (permalink)
Chico370Z Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: East Bay, CA Posts: 233 Drives: 09 370Z Touring Rep Power: 16	...it's almost the end of the week...a little help here? __________________ 04 Nissan Sentra SpecV: Brembos, Nismo Intake/Exhaust/Short Shifter, Eibach Sportlines, ES MMI - SOLD / / / 09 Nissan 370Z Touring: Invidia Gemini Exhaust, ERZ HFC, GTM 25 Row Cooler, Z1 Tubes, and K&N Drop Ins

11-05-2009, 12:37 PM	#350 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	Chinese Sick Day Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Boss, I no come work today, I real sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her "give me sex". That makes everything better and I go work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again; "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon..... You got nice house." __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-05-2009, 12:42 PM	#351 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below: GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next." I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-05-2009, 01:01 PM	#352 (permalink)
Chico370Z Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: East Bay, CA Posts: 233 Drives: 09 370Z Touring Rep Power: 16	^nice lol Thanks! __________________ 04 Nissan Sentra SpecV: Brembos, Nismo Intake/Exhaust/Short Shifter, Eibach Sportlines, ES MMI - SOLD / / / 09 Nissan 370Z Touring: Invidia Gemini Exhaust, ERZ HFC, GTM 25 Row Cooler, Z1 Tubes, and K&N Drop Ins

11-05-2009, 01:03 PM	#353 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	__________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-03-2009, 06:30 PM	#347 (permalink)
Mergnthwirker Base Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Connecticut USA Posts: 243 Drives: '09 370Z PW MT6 S Rep Power: 16	OK, Here's one... A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?" The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work." The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!" A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?" The mother replies, "Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"

11-05-2009, 07:13 PM	#354 (permalink)
simota1 A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: Dededo, Guam Posts: 6,642 Drives: solid red 370z 6mt Rep Power: 405	hahahhaha nice joke togo __________________ *TOP SECRET/POWERHOUSE AMUSE/ARC/DAYTONA RACING/VARIS/MINES/GANADOR/J-LINE/WORK EMOTION CR KAI/GT SPEC/CARBON SIGNAL/ZOOM ENGINEERING/ CARBON FIBER ELEMENT/STILLEN/*

11-06-2009, 09:28 AM	#357 (permalink)
XwChriswX WFLYIDNNE Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: In The Fastlane Posts: 50,648 Drives: 02 GDB WRX Rep Power: 452	Lesson of the day - never lie to your mother HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than meets the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.' About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote this: __________________________________________________ ________ Dear Mom, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian __________________________________________________ ________ Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read: __________________________________________________ ________ Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom __________________ Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall! R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14

11-06-2009, 12:47 PM	#358 (permalink)
SGTseanzie Base Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Baton Rouge Posts: 176 Drives: Nada Rep Power: 16	A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers." __________________ --"If you want peace, prepare for war." -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

11-06-2009, 01:44 PM	#360 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard ladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year." __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan