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me and the girl just read a few pages, good stuff togo, rep
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07-31-2009, 03:16 AM
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#107 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Dededo, Guam
Posts: 6,642
Drives: solid red 370z 6mt
Rep Power: 405   |
alright alright i got one for you guys... so there is a couple... they both live a a beautiful two story house.... so one day they where taking a bath at the same time... the man took a bath in the top floor and the woman was taking a quick shower on the bottom floor... the woman just got out of the shower then suddenly "ding dong"... she quickly wraps a towel around her body and hurrys to the door... she gets to the door and looks through the pep hole... its there neighbor... rick... she opens the door and says " hey rick!!!" rick sees the beautiful woman with only a towel around her body... and replys... you know if you just drop your towel right now all the way to the ground ill give you 500 dollars CASH... puzzled she thinks for the moment and says o what the hell... she drops it ands shows him her whole body naked... then she picks up the towel and rick gives her the cash like he promised... over joyed she then goes up stairs to keep her money... the husband comes out and says " o honey... who was that?!?" she replies "our neighbor rick" the woman having a devious smile.... the husband then replies "O GOOD did he give you the 500 bucks he owed me?!?
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07-31-2009, 02:29 PM
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#108 (permalink) | ||
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
Quote:
 Quote:
 Good one, I was kept thinking "hmmm where is this one going". Then I LOL'd.
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07-31-2009, 02:33 PM
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#109 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
A bachelor tried to take a vacation every summer. He was a golf nut and spent two weeks at Hilton Head. Last summer he met a woman out there and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship. They agreed that total honesty was important so there would be "no surprises" later that would destroy their love.
"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," Ed said to his lady friend. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now." "Well, if we're being honest with each other, here goes," she replied. "I'm a hooker." "I see," Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment. Then he added, "You know,it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off." |
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07-31-2009, 05:03 PM
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#112 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
A young Italian girl was going on a date.
Her nonna ( Grandmother ) said: "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try and touch you, you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that too, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family." With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: "Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!" Nonna fainted!! |
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08-01-2009, 09:07 AM
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#114 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
A young couple Tony and Maria get married and since they don't have any money they have their honeymoon at Maria's parents house. So on their wedding night they go upstairs and get ready to consummate the marriage. Tony sits on the bed and starts to undress. He takes off his shirt and Maria (having never seen a man without clothes before) sees that he has a hairy chest.
She runs downstairs to the kitchen and tells her mother " Mama, Tony has a hairy chest!" Her mother who was making sauce just smiles and says "All good men have hairy chests. Now go upstairs and be with your husband." So she goes back upstairs and sees Tony taking off his pants. She sees that he has hairy legs. She runs downstairs and says "Mama, Tony has hairy legs!" Her mother smiles and says "All good men have hairy legs. Now go up and be with your husband." So she goes back upstairs and finds Tony taking off his socks. She sees that he is missing three toes on one of his feet. She runs back down and says "Mama, Tony has a foot and a half!" Mama turns to Maria with a serious look and says "Maria, stir the sauce. This sounds like a job for Mama!" |
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08-02-2009, 01:26 PM
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#115 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
A housewife is at home when she suddenly hears a knock on the door. When she opens the door a man asks her if she has a vagina. The woman slams the door in disbelief at what a stranger has just asked her.
The same thing happens for three consecutive days and the woman decides to tell her husband. The husband says to the wife, "Tomorrow I am not going to work, and when the man asks if you have a vagina, say 'yes' and I will be hiding behind the door." The next day the same man comes again, and when the woman opens the door he asks if she has a vagina. The woman says, "Yes". The man then said, "Good, then please tell your husband to stop ******* my wife." |
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08-03-2009, 05:23 PM
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#116 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659, CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile." "Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick', and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it." "CASE DISMISSED!!" |
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08-04-2009, 06:23 PM
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#117 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
Husband had just finished reading a new book entitled You Can Be the Man of Your House.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The f**kin' funeral director would be my guess." |
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08-04-2009, 06:46 PM
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#118 (permalink) |
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WFLYIDNNE
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In The Fastlane
Posts: 50,648
Drives: 02 GDB WRX
Rep Power: 452 |
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... )  Three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos--(MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT!' He didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'oh, ****.' Cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
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