A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities. "

"That's right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

"Yes," she said, "You're getting HIV, which is why I came here In the first place."

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

:owned:

also page 50

Wow I didn't even realize i'm up to 50 pages in this thread... i've been slacking too...

haha slacker >.>

:icon08:

Get back to work!

I'm on vacation!

An old, lonely, pathetic man goes on vacation. (no offense, togo :stirthepot:)

His plane crashes, but he manages to swim his way to a deserted island. After several weeks, he is walking along the beach one day and spots something glimmering in the distance, out on the water. As it grows closer and surfaces, it appears to be a gorgeous woman in a skin-tight wet suit.

She approaches with a wide smile and asks him, "When is the last time you had a proper cigar?" The old man replies, "It's been decades." The young woman unzips her suit slightly and pulls out a lighter and a fantastic cuban cigar.

He starts puffing at the cigar when she asks him, "When is the last time you had an ice-cold beer?" He says, "It's been years." She unzips her suit a little further and pulls him out an ice-cold beverage to enjoy with his smoke.

Then she approaches him very closely and zips her zipper nearly all the way down, and with a mischievous grin, she asks, "When's the last time you had some real fun?" The old man replies, "Don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in that suit!"

Ah these jokes require alot of reading, I'll get straight to the point.


"Guy walks into a bar, Ouch That hurt."

"Horse walks into a bar, Bartender says: Why the long face?"

"What's brown and sticky? - A stick"

"What did one fruit say to the other fruit? - Sorry Honeydew, I cantelope"

"What'd one gay horse say to the other gay horse? - Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay"

Here's a shorter one, for those of us who drive little tikes with blingin rims.

I hear they've found a solution to the oil leak in the gulf. They're going to put a wedding ring on it in hopes that it will stop putting out.

http://www.the370z.com/members/frost...48-rimshot.gif

YES! :tup:

:bowrofl:

Excuses!!!!