Joke of the Day

frost

[IMG]A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown. He notices a small bronze statue of a rat. He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it". The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat. As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him. He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him. He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown. The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story". The guys says, "no, I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers?"[/IMG]

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370z OG

370Zsteve

A journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day,
for a long, long time.
She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray. "Pardon me, sir, I'm from CNN. What's your name?... See More
“Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
He replied, "For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?", she asked.
He said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.
I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.
I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
She asked, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fukkin' wall."

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SOLD MY Z MARCH 2018 - another Core OG moves on - new ride 2019 Z Corvette Grand Sport - no mods necessary but already have eyes on HFC and intakes LOL IT NEVER ENDS.

370ZGhost

a inventor goes down to the patent office, he has created a flavored apple. he has created an apple that tastes like roast beef. hes very excited, takes his ticket at the office and takes a seat,... he waits... and waits...his ticket number is called, takes it to the clerk.... the inventor lays the apple out on the counter and the clerk says "this is just an apple", and the inventor says, "take a bite"...clerk does so,..."this tastes like roast beef!"...,inventor asks him to turn it over and take a bite of the other side. Clerk does so..."this tastes like apple pie!"...pause....the clerk tells the inventor "you know,...we'd make a fortune if you made an apple that tastes like pussy!...we could sell it to the porn industry and make millions!" The inventor realizes he's right and says " ya, ya! okay I'll do that"...month passes by...inventor comes to the patent office, same routine, takes his number, and waits, and waits...clerk calls him up again and the inventor proudly lays the apple on the counter. the clerk excitedly grabs the apple and takes a bite quickly! Clerk spits out apple "this is horrible! This tastes like ****!"...the inventor tells him to turn it over

370zproject

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Brake Upgrade Package ate blue, hawk hp ceramic pads, and slotted rotors

DjSquall

FINALLY read tgis entire thread. Took me all week lol. Epic laughs guys!

Togo

Well since you're all caught up, I guess I should start updating it.


I'm shocked at you Phelan, you really haven't been hounding me to update lately.. lol.

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

DjSquall

Yes you should lol I need a little cheering up after this horrible work week. Epic lulz live in this thread! Thanks Togo.

XwChriswX

Need a pick me up? At least your not this guy...

Suspicious Package

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Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall!
R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14

Togo

TOP 8 MORONS

1 . WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!".

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everthing in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER.....THIS IS TRUE..... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times.

Her docter told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky.

All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying.

"Whats wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out".

"It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?"

"Yes" replied the girl.

"It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. "No" replied the boy, "I was playing with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!"

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

XwChriswX

God damnit br0go. Stop making me as work. I'm supposed to be serious here!

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Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall!
R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14

Togo

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

Two tampons were crossing the street and they see a friend. Which one waves?




















Neither, they are both stuck up cunts.

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

XwChriswX

Are you sure this was at the pentagon, and not at a TSA Screener?

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Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall!
R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14