Joke of the Day

frost

hah!

Togo

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again.

"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.....do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too!

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

Polite Way to Pee

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.

__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says, "You know, I think my girl was dead!"

"Dead?" says his friend, "Why do you say that?

"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her."

His friend says, "Could be worse I think mine was a witch."

"A witch? Why the hell would you say that?"

"Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window."

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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

Top 15 Slogans Rejected By Motel 6


15. Because your neighbor's wife deserves better than the backseat of some car.

14. As seen on COPS.

13. If we'd known you were staying all night, we'd have changed the sheets.

12. Not just for nooners anymore.

11. We left off the 9, but you know it's there.

10. You rented the room, now buy the video.

9. Sure, you could stay some place nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for the hooker.

8. We'll leave the Lysol for ya.

7. Hey! We're not the Ritz but, just try bringing your secretary there on your salary, pal.

6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery BETTER.

5. It's Hookerrific!

4. Official lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins.

3. Blurring the line between stains and avant-garde sheet art since 1962.

2. Cheap and easy, just like your sisters.

1. We put the Ho in Hotel.

__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window, and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my damn money in this damn bank."

"I see," says the manager, "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?

__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

Ok, i'm going to stop here.. that should be enough for now...

__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Chico370Z

Lol nice thanks!

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04 Nissan Sentra SpecV: Brembos, Nismo Intake/Exhaust/Short Shifter, Eibach Sportlines, ES MMI - SOLD / / / 09 Nissan 370Z Touring: Invidia Gemini Exhaust, ERZ HFC, GTM 25 Row Cooler, Z1 Tubes, and K&N Drop Ins

phelan

it's never enough Togo

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凛 ('Rin') - 2009 Nissan 370Z
With silence comes peace. With peace comes freedom. With freedom comes silence.

XwChriswX

Someone in the office told me this one today, hopefully Togo hasn't already claimed it but here goes...


A blond sends me a text saying someone wrote her "IDK" and she asked me what it meant?

I said "I don't know"

To which she replied, "Gosh, Nobody knows!"

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Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall!
R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14

MeetJoeAsian

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?














































A: When his hand caught on fire.

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http://facebook.com/meetjoeasian

Togo

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room ! and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother. "What does that mean?" asked the child. Embarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in heat, and that I had to come talk to you." Not wanting to have the biological discussion either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, now you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the leash and you can only go around the block once."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. "Where is Fifi?" her father asked. "She should be here in a minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

Togo

There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,"I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here".

The next dog said,"I peed on my masters $1,000 rug".

The next dog then comes in and say's, "My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!".

"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs. "No, I'm getting my nails clipped."

__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan