Joke of the Day

Togo · 10-13-2009, 09:55 PM

^hahahha

theDreamer · 10-13-2009, 09:56 PM

Togo · 10-13-2009, 10:09 PM

rofl

TX_370 · 10-15-2009, 01:43 PM

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married; so we can't go to her house.

I'm married; and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.

SHAME ON YOU FOR LAUGHING AT THAT..

SGTseanzie · 10-15-2009, 03:06 PM

Here is one that'll make a few people uneasy

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

simota1 · 10-15-2009, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SGTseanzie

Here is one that'll make a few people uneasy

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

messed up

XwChriswX · 10-16-2009, 10:08 AM

Something new today kids, lets learn new words and phrases!

Today's Lesson:

Spousebroken: /Spows-bro-ken/ adj., Trained, especially by one's spouse, to have habits that are appropriate for indoor living. n., The happy period in a marriage, which occurs once the husband has been fully domesticated.

Sentence: My sexiest man alive happily washes the windows, cleans the toilets, and jumps into bed whenever I say "Do!", now that he is completely spousebroken.

Etymology: Spouse - a person's partner in marriage. Broken -- to train to obedience; tame. (But the dictionary also says to ruin financially; make bankrupt, which also fits... Ha!)

phelan · 10-15-2009, 03:53 PM

(Old joke that I suddenly remember; I make some parts up but the punch line is the same!)

A male passenger boards a TWA flight from Los Angeles to Chicago. The flight takes off without issue, and twenty minutes in, the flight attendants being their in-flight refreshment service.

The young stewardess pulling the cart along the aisle stops next to the passenger.
"What would you like to drink?"

The man replies, "What do you have?"

"We have water, soda, TWA coffee..."

"...I'd rather have some TWA tea."

frost · 10-17-2009, 08:25 PM

A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course.

They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank you—I’m a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself."

"Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," says the genie, "it’s the least I could do. And you, ma’am, what do you want?"

"I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife.

"Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man.

"And now for my wish. Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife.

" The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you don’t mind, honey, I don’t either."

The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After he’s through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"Thirty-five," she replies.
"And he still believes in genies?"

frost · 10-17-2009, 08:28 PM

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.

The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.

Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.

"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yup."
"Where did he go?"
"Your house."

phelan · 10-17-2009, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frost

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.

The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.

Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.

"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yup."
"Where did he go?"
"Your house."

Togo · 10-17-2009, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phelan

the guy buying the condoms is ******* the other guys wife... hahah buys the condoms and laughs as he heads over to the guys house while he's sitting there working..

Greg · 10-25-2009, 06:40 AM

Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A: "Is it in?"

Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red headed Bitch with a yeast infection.

Q: How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A: One of his fingers is clean.

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

XxJimboxX · 10-27-2009, 02:31 PM

Two buddies are at the golf course. The first guys tees off, hooks badly to the left and the second guy tees off and slices badly to the right. They both decide to meet at the green after they find their balls.
First guy, finds his ball in a butter cups patch and starts hacking away trying to get out flinging butter cups everywhere. At this moment, mother-nature appears and scolds him for his destruction of the butter cups and tells him: “No more butter for you for a year”.
After absorbing the sentence, he starts laughing out loud. Mother-nature responds:
“Do you think this is funny?”
The first guy replies: “No, I’m not laughing at you mother-nature. I’m laughing at my buddy who landed in the field of pussy willows…”

Chico370Z · 10-29-2009, 11:11 AM

ok it's been a couple days now...bump for more jokes...got anything Togo?

10-13-2009, 09:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
theDreamer A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 30,879 Drives: 370z Rep Power: 4211	__________________ theDreamer's Z // Fast Intentions // Uprev // GTM // HKS // TEIN theDreamer's Silvia // URAS // GREDDY Houston Zs // Facebook // Twitter // Instagram

10-15-2009, 01:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
TX_370 A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 5,389 Drives: American Rep Power: 28	An Arizona couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7. SHAME ON YOU FOR LAUGHING AT THAT.. __________________ 2009 PW Nissan 370Z with Sports Package

10-15-2009, 03:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
SGTseanzie Base Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Baton Rouge Posts: 176 Drives: Nada Rep Power: 16	Here is one that'll make a few people uneasy Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. __________________ --"If you want peace, prepare for war." -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

10-16-2009, 10:08 AM	#7 (permalink)
XwChriswX WFLYIDNNE Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: In The Fastlane Posts: 50,648 Drives: 02 GDB WRX Rep Power: 452	Something new today kids, lets learn new words and phrases! Today's Lesson: Spousebroken: /Spows-bro-ken/ adj., Trained, especially by one's spouse, to have habits that are appropriate for indoor living. n., The happy period in a marriage, which occurs once the husband has been fully domesticated. Sentence: My sexiest man alive happily washes the windows, cleans the toilets, and jumps into bed whenever I say "Do!", now that he is completely spousebroken. Etymology: Spouse - a person's partner in marriage. Broken -- to train to obedience; tame. (But the dictionary also says to ruin financially; make bankrupt, which also fits... Ha!) __________________ Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall! R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14

10-15-2009, 03:53 PM	#8 (permalink)
phelan A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: CA Age: 39 Posts: 9,513 Drives: Scoobaroo Rep Power: 3406	(Old joke that I suddenly remember; I make some parts up but the punch line is the same!) A male passenger boards a TWA flight from Los Angeles to Chicago. The flight takes off without issue, and twenty minutes in, the flight attendants being their in-flight refreshment service. The young stewardess pulling the cart along the aisle stops next to the passenger. "What would you like to drink?" The man replies, "What do you have?" "We have water, soda, TWA coffee..." "...I'd rather have some TWA tea." __________________ 凛 ('Rin') - 2009 Nissan 370Z With silence comes peace. With peace comes freedom. With freedom comes silence.

10-13-2009, 09:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	^hahahha

10-13-2009, 10:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	rofl

10-17-2009, 08:25 PM	#9 (permalink)
frost Retired admin Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Winterfell Posts: 106,613 Drives: Your Wife Crazy Rep Power: 0	A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank you—I’m a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself." "Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," says the genie, "it’s the least I could do. And you, ma’am, what do you want?" "I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife. "Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man. "And now for my wish. Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife. " The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you don’t mind, honey, I don’t either." The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After he’s through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "Thirty-five," she replies. "And he still believes in genies?"

10-17-2009, 08:28 PM	#10 (permalink)
frost Retired admin Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Winterfell Posts: 106,613 Drives: Your Wife Crazy Rep Power: 0	A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Yup." "Where did he go?" "Your house."

10-25-2009, 06:40 AM	#13 (permalink)
Greg Track Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: San Francisco Age: 57 Posts: 551 Drives: 06 350 ZR CS Rep Power: 300	Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego... A: "Is it in?" Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A: A red headed Bitch with a yeast infection. Q: How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A: One of his fingers is clean. Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A: Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q: What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed. __________________ Chef Greg At Your Service

10-27-2009, 02:31 PM	#14 (permalink)
XxJimboxX Base Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: CO Posts: 2 Drives: 01 SE Rep Power: 16	Two buddies are at the golf course. The first guys tees off, hooks badly to the left and the second guy tees off and slices badly to the right. They both decide to meet at the green after they find their balls. First guy, finds his ball in a butter cups patch and starts hacking away trying to get out flinging butter cups everywhere. At this moment, mother-nature appears and scolds him for his destruction of the butter cups and tells him: “No more butter for you for a year”. After absorbing the sentence, he starts laughing out loud. Mother-nature responds: “Do you think this is funny?” The first guy replies: “No, I’m not laughing at you mother-nature. I’m laughing at my buddy who landed in the field of pussy willows…”

10-29-2009, 11:11 AM	#15 (permalink)
Chico370Z Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: East Bay, CA Posts: 233 Drives: 09 370Z Touring Rep Power: 16	ok it's been a couple days now...bump for more jokes...got anything Togo?

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