A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00

Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am!"

The man replies "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

^ Hahaha

:icon18:

A Canadian Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the Guyanese driver that because he was wearing his seat belt he had just won $5,000 in the Province safety competition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I goin get a driver's license," he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," yelled the Trini woman in the passenger's seat... "He's a smart donkey when he drunk." This woke up the Bajan guy in the back seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we was not gonna get far in dis thiefin car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a Jamaican voice said, in patois, "Yow!, I man mek it 'crass di barder yet?"

The Canadian Highway Patrolman smiled, and handed the $5,000 check to the driver. "I always loved the island talk, but I could never understand it. Have a nice day."

A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate, nothing. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked."

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?" He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers 'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper'. I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she.

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire long before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. You have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management


PLUS: 5 reasons not to be a penis...
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an *******
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

Lol seen those last five. I.ll write one when i get home

#1:

Doctor comes into the patient's room. "I have some good news, and some bad news."
The patient goes, "What's the good news?"
The doctor responds, "Your penis will be two inches longer and one inch wider."
The patient says "That's great! But what's the bad news?"
The doctor simply says, "Malignant."

^hahah

Lol^^^

so to baby seals walk into a club.......ohhh enviromental people wont like that one



I know its stupid...some guy said it to me when we were working on the tanks at work..lol

^Took me a minute, but I got it :tup:


Seal Club Clubbing Club FTW!

(Somewhat racist but take it in good humor, if not I'll remove)

Q: How do you know if a Polish man is at the cockfight?
A: He's the one that brought the duck.

Q: How do you know if an Italian man is at the cockfight?
A: He's the one betting on the duck.

Q: How do you know if the Mafia is involved in the cockfight?
A: The duck wins.

(this is better said out loud than read)


Q: What is six-point-nine?


A: It's 69 interrupted by a period