Toys That Happen to Look Like Celebrities

nogoodname · 06-19-2009, 08:04 PM

10. Luke Skywalker / Brian Thompson

When Star Wars figures first came back in the 1990s, Kenner (for some bizarre reason) beefed up all of their characters to ridiculous proportions. So the scrawny farm boy played by Mark Hamill came out looking like the muscle-bound Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files, complete with overly defined facial muscles. Would Thompson have improved Star Wars? We doubt it. Would Mark Hamill have improved X-Files? Mark Hamill improves everything.

9. Han Solo / Josh Brolin

Apparently, Harrison Ford’s rugged good looks are hard to capture in three dimensions—that’s the only way to explain all the Han Solo and Indiana Jones figures that look like everybody in Hollywood except Ford. This particular figure is a little too long-faced for Han, but just right for Brolin, the star of No Country for Old Men. If only he were playing Indy in this year’s Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, rather than that Ford mummy.

8. Malakili / Denholm Elliott

There’s something about the sensitive eyes and tight mouth of Jabba the Hutt’s palace employee and rancor keeper Malakili that reminds us of Indiana Jones’ Marcus Brody, who got lost in his own museum once. The Nazis never would have caught him if he’d had a trap door and a Rancor monster.

7. Mon Mothma / Laura Bush

As the leader of the Rebellion, Mon Mothma was one of the first to recognize the sheer evil of Emperor Palpatine, as he subjugated outlying planets to his will and undermined the power of the Senate. Similarly, as the wife of President Bush, Laura oversaw the destruction of Alderaan and personally struck down four highly trained Jedi.

6. Slave Leia / Christian Bale

A mannish Princess Leia action figure? Say it ain’t so! To be fair, Carrie Fisher was not the daintiest of leading ladies, and Christian Bale is not the most rugged of leading men, so the fact that their action figures would kind of look alike isn’t so surprising. The fact that we’ve seen Bale naked and not Fisher? Not so much surprising as gravely disappointing.

5. 12-Inch Han Solo / Zach Braff

One year after our #10 figure was released, Hasbro again attempted to capture the majesty that is Harrison Ford in their 12-inch Collector’s Series. This time, the sculptor tried to give Ford a little more schnozz but overshot, landing squarely in Zach Braff territory. Sadly, Dr. Dorian has only had fantasies where he dressed as Luke Skywalker—otherwise, this could have been the first Scrubs figure. Is anyone excited by this? You know, besides Braff?

4. Dengar / Johnny Cash

When Cash did all of those drugs, was he mystically transported to another planet in the distant past, where he hunted men for sport and profit? Man, that would have made Walk the Line a lot more interesting, if fraught with legal complications. Still, you can’t deny the fact that the worn, lined face of the Man in Black is the spitting image of the Man in Bandages, who hunted Han Solo (unsuccessfully) for Darth Vader. Fun Fact: Boba Fett was the best man at both of their weddings!

3. General Rieekan / John Kerry

This Rebellion general commanded Echo Base on the remote ice planet Hoth. We’re not sure, but we think that’s where John Kerry is now.

2. Yak Face / Robert DeNiro

“Are you yakkin’ at me? I’m the only yak here.” DeNiro was already a major superstar when he was asked to play Saelt-Marae, a.k.a. Yak Face, in Return of the Jedi, but he owed Lucas a favor, and so he tried to bring a lot of the energy he brought to Travis Bickle to the performance. Namely, he asked Ree-Yees if he had ****** his wife, then savagely beat him to death.

1. Princess Leia / Virgil the Chimp

Word has spread far and wide of the legendary “Monkey-Faced Leia,” but few have noticed that she bears an uncanny resemblance to Project X star Willie, who played Virgil. Sadly, it was Willie’s only film role before he was sent to bomb the Soviet Union, but he’d be glad to know that he got a toy out of the deal—and with such a nice dress!

_________________________________________
If you laughed, send a rep my way

k20z3 · 06-19-2009, 08:07 PM

Bwhahha

nogoodname · 06-19-2009, 08:09 PM

^^ you laughed.....you know what to do...lol

Crash · 06-19-2009, 08:09 PM

Wow... SOMEONE doesn't like Carry Fisher!

BanningZ · 06-19-2009, 08:32 PM

Okay you win. Rep for you.

Pushing_Tin · 06-20-2009, 09:07 PM

LOL @ Christian Bale

06-19-2009, 08:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
nogoodname Lifetime Premium Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Montreal Posts: 22,357 Drives: E46 M3 Rep Power: 1765	Toys That Happen to Look Like Celebrities 10. Luke Skywalker / Brian Thompson When Star Wars figures first came back in the 1990s, Kenner (for some bizarre reason) beefed up all of their characters to ridiculous proportions. So the scrawny farm boy played by Mark Hamill came out looking like the muscle-bound Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files, complete with overly defined facial muscles. Would Thompson have improved Star Wars? We doubt it. Would Mark Hamill have improved X-Files? Mark Hamill improves everything. 9. Han Solo / Josh Brolin Apparently, Harrison Ford’s rugged good looks are hard to capture in three dimensions—that’s the only way to explain all the Han Solo and Indiana Jones figures that look like everybody in Hollywood except Ford. This particular figure is a little too long-faced for Han, but just right for Brolin, the star of No Country for Old Men. If only he were playing Indy in this year’s Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, rather than that Ford mummy. 8. Malakili / Denholm Elliott There’s something about the sensitive eyes and tight mouth of Jabba the Hutt’s palace employee and rancor keeper Malakili that reminds us of Indiana Jones’ Marcus Brody, who got lost in his own museum once. The Nazis never would have caught him if he’d had a trap door and a Rancor monster. 7. Mon Mothma / Laura Bush As the leader of the Rebellion, Mon Mothma was one of the first to recognize the sheer evil of Emperor Palpatine, as he subjugated outlying planets to his will and undermined the power of the Senate. Similarly, as the wife of President Bush, Laura oversaw the destruction of Alderaan and personally struck down four highly trained Jedi. 6. Slave Leia / Christian Bale A mannish Princess Leia action figure? Say it ain’t so! To be fair, Carrie Fisher was not the daintiest of leading ladies, and Christian Bale is not the most rugged of leading men, so the fact that their action figures would kind of look alike isn’t so surprising. The fact that we’ve seen Bale naked and not Fisher? Not so much surprising as gravely disappointing. 5. 12-Inch Han Solo / Zach Braff One year after our #10 figure was released, Hasbro again attempted to capture the majesty that is Harrison Ford in their 12-inch Collector’s Series. This time, the sculptor tried to give Ford a little more schnozz but overshot, landing squarely in Zach Braff territory. Sadly, Dr. Dorian has only had fantasies where he dressed as Luke Skywalker—otherwise, this could have been the first Scrubs figure. Is anyone excited by this? You know, besides Braff? 4. Dengar / Johnny Cash When Cash did all of those drugs, was he mystically transported to another planet in the distant past, where he hunted men for sport and profit? Man, that would have made Walk the Line a lot more interesting, if fraught with legal complications. Still, you can’t deny the fact that the worn, lined face of the Man in Black is the spitting image of the Man in Bandages, who hunted Han Solo (unsuccessfully) for Darth Vader. Fun Fact: Boba Fett was the best man at both of their weddings! 3. General Rieekan / John Kerry This Rebellion general commanded Echo Base on the remote ice planet Hoth. We’re not sure, but we think that’s where John Kerry is now. 2. Yak Face / Robert DeNiro “Are you yakkin’ at me? I’m the only yak here.” DeNiro was already a major superstar when he was asked to play Saelt-Marae, a.k.a. Yak Face, in Return of the Jedi, but he owed Lucas a favor, and so he tried to bring a lot of the energy he brought to Travis Bickle to the performance. Namely, he asked Ree-Yees if he had **** his wife, then savagely beat him to death. 1. Princess Leia / Virgil the Chimp** Word has spread far and wide of the legendary “Monkey-Faced Leia,” but few have noticed that she bears an uncanny resemblance to Project X star Willie, who played Virgil. Sadly, it was Willie’s only film role before he was sent to bomb the Soviet Union, but he’d be glad to know that he got a toy out of the deal—and with such a nice dress! _________________________________________ If you laughed, send a rep my way

06-19-2009, 08:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
k20z3 A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: Denver CO Age: 33 Posts: 2,146 Drives: 2006 Civic SI HFP Rep Power: 405	Bwhahha __________________ 2006 RALLYE RED HONDA CIVIC SI HFP Clint's Helpful Photoshop Hints!

06-19-2009, 08:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
Crash A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,853 Drives: 02 Corvette Z06 Rep Power: 589	Wow... SOMEONE doesn't like Carry Fisher! __________________ 2002 Corvette Z06 - Totaled 2003 Corvette Z06 50th Anniversary

06-19-2009, 08:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
BanningZ A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: nowhere Posts: 5,478 Drives: 06' Nismo Frontier Rep Power: 29	Okay you win. Rep for you. __________________ Become a Premium Member: Click HERE MB 06' Nismo VQ40DE

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06-19-2009, 08:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
nogoodname Lifetime Premium Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Montreal Posts: 22,357 Drives: E46 M3 Rep Power: 1765	^^ you laughed.....you know what to do...lol

06-20-2009, 09:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
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