New Years Resolutions for the 2012

LunaZ

I prefer goal setting to "resolutions" as the latter often seems based on "not doing" things. Since I'm keeping my goals private this year, I've decided to resolve to not do some things, just for the sake of being able to join in on this week's small talk.

1) Stop being so critical of others' poor spelling and grammar, and for God's sake, don't correct them! People deserve the benefit of the doubt when you consider that Steve Jobs is correcting their spelling from the grave and George W. Bush created "No Child Left Behind." Sentences ending with a preposition? Sure, why not!

2) Stop insisting that drivers stop doing things behind the wheel other than driving. Please, feel free to text away, apply your makeup or watch a DVD with your kids. I've been paying for auto insurance for more than twenty years and it's about time I cashed in on my investment. Since I'm forgiving the drivers who are texting and what not, I'll also excuse them for not knowing that the apex of a corner or bend does not include my lane.

3) Stop taking my own beer with me to my neighbour's yard. I'm trying to be neighbourly and hang out with the guys but I just can't stomach, or mouth for that matter, drinking a Keystone Light from a can. I realize that showing up with a Dogfish Head Palo Santo in a chilled pint glass sends the message that I'm an elitist beer snob, but a good craft beer is what it takes to make thirty minutes of chat about the Baltimore Ravens, or any other football team, anywhere close to tolerable.

This dose of sarcasm comes to you courtesy of my recent read of "The World According to Clarkson." You can thank my coworkers at the salon for insisting that I complete my 2011 goal of reading a book for pleasure.

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