I need relationship advice

bigaudiofanat · 12-08-2011, 11:15 PM

I have known a girl for 3.5 years, I first meet her at a bank and thought she was cute so I asked for her number. We dated on and off for the 3.5 years. The catch? She has a 4 year old daughter. I will say that every time we breakup either with each other or with someone else we come back to each other. The main reason for breakup either she would be to scared about opening up to me or push me away. But it seems last time we broke up she seems to be changing and understands that she should not run from someone nice like me.

My question is this simply. Should I give us another shot we both love each other and it's not lust either. Or should I walk away and stay friends?
Please take this seriously or

w4kj4k · 12-08-2011, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigaudiofanat

we both love each other and it's not lust either

My friend, i think you've answered your own question :]

I say go for it, you will never know if you give up now. Don't live with "what ifs", you'll regret it later down the road!

FL 4Motion · 12-09-2011, 02:21 AM

based on what you wrote, I say go for it one LAST time, if it doesn't work out, then move on but at least you won't ever be wondering what if.

haitech · 12-09-2011, 02:33 AM

You both should sit down and put everything out on the table. Just be honest with each other about why you guys fight in the first place. Relationships take work from both sides.

Rooster89 · 12-09-2011, 03:07 AM

Honestly, I've always said love isn't enough. Relationships are hard work. Try asking yourself this, objectively speaking, if you didn't love her, what else do you think a relationship with her would have going for it? What positives are there besides love?

Just my .02

Jordo! · 12-09-2011, 05:37 AM

Even if you decide not to, you will. Enjoy it while it's there. See what happens.

bigsix · 12-09-2011, 05:47 AM

I'd say be patient with her. She'll open up to you if she wants to. If she doesn't, it's not a good idea to pry.

Live in the moment, it's not going anywhere.

Kingbaby · 12-09-2011, 06:51 AM

I say leave it alone....

If your the nice one then your the one going for a ride! Don't do it, enjoy what you had but don't jump in.

^^^^

my first marriage

TreeSemdyZee · 12-09-2011, 07:05 AM

I'd say give it a shot if that's what you're feeling.
But don't put so much pressure on yourself and especially her. If she isn't opening up to you or is pushing away, there's a trust issue. Not necessarily a trust issue with you, but you have to build someone's trust. It doesn't normally just happen.

If you're that interested, then you're always going to wonder.

Sooner or later, she'll love you as much as we do.

Jeffblue · 12-09-2011, 07:49 AM

all the people who have been divorced/had their mom cheat on their dad/have other issues with women will say you should walk away. all the people who married their highschool sweetheart will say you should go for it. (obviously those are the two extremes) the advice has less to do with your situation, and more to do with the experiences of those who you are asking. its never cut and dry with relationships. that being said. i personally have been in those relationships where you try and give it a shot over and over again, but ultimately it doesn't work. i'm not saying that is what is going on here, but its something you have to see for yourself, no one can tell you to walk away before you feel its the right move, and no one can tell you to try and work it out if you think walking away is the right move. but chances are if you are saying what you've said, it seems like you have tried everything you can.

TheGreatOne · 12-09-2011, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rooster89

Honestly, I've always said love isn't enough. Relationships are hard work. Try asking yourself this, objectively speaking, if you didn't love her, what else do you think a relationship with her would have going for it? What positives are there besides love?

Just my .02

I agree with the above

I'm early into my marriage, and just had my 1st son 6 days ago. The love is great but so much else makes up the relationship...I'd be concerned with the willingness to walk away...it takes a lot of work, u don't want someone who is quick to throw in the towel

USMCram · 12-09-2011, 08:42 AM

Agreed with Jeffblue.
Knew this girl since HS, we were always on and off. For almost 10 years. Couple of years ago she comes back, and we dabble with taking another shot, but she has a child now, even though I would have loved to have had both of them in my life, her an I both realized after some time, it just wasn't meant to be. I still love her. I probably always will. Part of me thinks she still loves me. I'm not sure. We don't talk about it anymore. I've moved on and so has she. Do what you feel to be right, and know to be right.

Just remember, your not just taking her, she's coming with the kid too.

Forgot to mention, we still keep in touch. Can't say so much that we're damned good friends because we don't talk all the time, but we check in on each other from time to time.

shadoquad · 12-09-2011, 08:43 AM

I say move on. It sounds like it's not working out. There's a saying about how, "the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

She's not going to change, and it sounds like you're a safety net, the person she runs to when she's broken up and needs to feel better about herself.

That being said, I'm no expert, and I've only read what you've posted. I don't know the entire situation.

PapoZalsa · 12-09-2011, 08:49 AM

Every situation is different....

shadoquad · 12-09-2011, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PapoZalsa

Every situation is different....

Truth, which is why one should probably not ask relationship advice on a car forum to start with

12-08-2011, 11:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
bigaudiofanat Car Audio Installer Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Magnolia DE Posts: 8,342 Drives: 2012 Infiniti G37x Rep Power: 853	I need relationship advice I have known a girl for 3.5 years, I first meet her at a bank and thought she was cute so I asked for her number. We dated on and off for the 3.5 years. The catch? She has a 4 year old daughter. I will say that every time we breakup either with each other or with someone else we come back to each other. The main reason for breakup either she would be to scared about opening up to me or push me away. But it seems last time we broke up she seems to be changing and understands that she should not run from someone nice like me. My question is this simply. Should I give us another shot we both love each other and it's not lust either. Or should I walk away and stay friends? Please take this seriously or __________________ Need help with car audio or electronics? Let me know!! Need Help Let Me Know Direct email address reimermatt@gmail.com Owner of: Dynamic Mobile Audio Follow me below https://www.facebook.com/Dynamicmobileaudio/

12-09-2011, 05:37 AM	#6 (permalink)
Jordo! A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2010 Location: nirvana Posts: 6,394 Drives: 2023 NATM Rep Power: 418	Even if you decide not to, you will. Enjoy it while it's there. See what happens. __________________ Enjoy it. Destroy it.

12-09-2011, 07:49 AM	#10 (permalink)
Jeffblue A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: NY Age: 36 Posts: 9,192 Drives: Z32TT & 335xi Coupe Rep Power: 37	all the people who have been divorced/had their mom cheat on their dad/have other issues with women will say you should walk away. all the people who married their highschool sweetheart will say you should go for it. (obviously those are the two extremes) the advice has less to do with your situation, and more to do with the experiences of those who you are asking. its never cut and dry with relationships. that being said. i personally have been in those relationships where you try and give it a shot over and over again, but ultimately it doesn't work. i'm not saying that is what is going on here, but its something you have to see for yourself, no one can tell you to walk away before you feel its the right move, and no one can tell you to try and work it out if you think walking away is the right move. but chances are if you are saying what you've said, it seems like you have tried everything you can. Last edited by Jeffblue; 12-09-2011 at 07:56 AM.

12-09-2011, 08:49 AM	#14 (permalink)
PapoZalsa A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Not in Sunny Florida Posts: 6,358 Drives: 16 Nismo w/Tech Pack Rep Power: 4500	Every situation is different.... __________________ 2009 370Z MB Base w/Sport Package 6MT Modshack's Custom Air Intakes /3M Clear Bra/ Illuminated Kick Plates / F. I CBE w/12" resonators / EVO-R Front Lip / Rear Hatch Wing / Tein S-Tech Springs /Ilegal Tint in the Rep. of VA/4x20mm Z1 Spacers/ Vinyl Roof/Liquid Carbon Designs

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12-09-2011, 02:21 AM	#3 (permalink)
FL 4Motion A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: FL Posts: 4,776 Drives: Baby Shark Rep Power: 701615	based on what you wrote, I say go for it one LAST time, if it doesn't work out, then move on but at least you won't ever be wondering what if.

12-09-2011, 02:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
haitech Track Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Austin/Dallas Posts: 922 Drives: 11' 370z Magnetic M6 Rep Power: 15	You both should sit down and put everything out on the table. Just be honest with each other about why you guys fight in the first place. Relationships take work from both sides.

12-09-2011, 05:47 AM	#7 (permalink)
bigsix A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Thailand Posts: 2,227 Drives: Honda City/Mazda 2 Rep Power: 19	I'd say be patient with her. She'll open up to you if she wants to. If she doesn't, it's not a good idea to pry. Live in the moment, it's not going anywhere.

12-09-2011, 07:05 AM	#9 (permalink)
TreeSemdyZee Premium Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Kentuck-IANA Age: 60 Posts: 4,885 Drives: '09 370 & ‘14 Juke Rep Power: 27408	I'd say give it a shot if that's what you're feeling. But don't put so much pressure on yourself and especially her. If she isn't opening up to you or is pushing away, there's a trust issue. Not necessarily a trust issue with you, but you have to build someone's trust. It doesn't normally just happen. If you're that interested, then you're always going to wonder. Sooner or later, she'll love you as much as we do.

12-09-2011, 08:42 AM	#12 (permalink)
USMCram Track Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Texas Posts: 522 Drives: 2019 718 Cayman Rep Power: 3370	Agreed with Jeffblue. Knew this girl since HS, we were always on and off. For almost 10 years. Couple of years ago she comes back, and we dabble with taking another shot, but she has a child now, even though I would have loved to have had both of them in my life, her an I both realized after some time, it just wasn't meant to be. I still love her. I probably always will. Part of me thinks she still loves me. I'm not sure. We don't talk about it anymore. I've moved on and so has she. Do what you feel to be right, and know to be right. Just remember, your not just taking her, she's coming with the kid too. Forgot to mention, we still keep in touch. Can't say so much that we're damned good friends because we don't talk all the time, but we check in on each other from time to time.

12-09-2011, 08:43 AM	#13 (permalink)
shadoquad A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: . Posts: 42,608 Drives: . Rep Power: 3886	I say move on. It sounds like it's not working out. There's a saying about how, "the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." She's not going to change, and it sounds like you're a safety net, the person she runs to when she's broken up and needs to feel better about herself. That being said, I'm no expert, and I've only read what you've posted. I don't know the entire situation.