The 370z Useless Thread II

[Isamu]

Originally Posted by blue660r01

haha it would be a cool job!

yea it would...
even cooler tho, is the storm chasers that fly INTO the storms...



oh and...


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want..' So he tied her up and went golfing.

[sexZness]

Originally Posted by Isamu

After a long night of making love, the guy

notices a photo of another man, on the woman's

nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.



'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.



'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.



'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.



'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his

ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires,

hoping to be reassured.



'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!'

she answers.



'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

She whispers in his ear



'That's me before the surgery.' .....

[Isamu]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

[sexZness]

Originally Posted by Isamu

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want..' So he tied her up and went golfing.

typical married guy

Originally Posted by Isamu

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

hahahaha truth

[sexZness]

[Isamu]

HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.

Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers decided on this "all-girls" trip.

It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!

----------------------------------------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

----------------------------------------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

---------------------------------------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

----------------------------------------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.

Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.

----------------------------------------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 2600 lives.

Twice

[Isamu]

Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year,

And every year Ed would say,

" Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Norma always replied,

" I know Ed , but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said,

" Norma, I'm 75 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Norma replied,

" Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks"

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."



Ed and Norma agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said,

" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "

Ed replied,


" Well, to tell you the truth

I almost said something when Norma fell out,

But you know,

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

[b1adesofcha0s]

Bwahahahahha

[sexZness]

keep em coming

[Lemers]

3 nuns were at the pearly gates waiting to go in when St Peter said I'll ask you one question about the bible if you answer correctly the gates will you and you can go in.

St Peter asked the first nun "who was the first man on Earth?". The nun replied that's an easy on it was Adam.

The gates opened up and she went in

St Peter asked the second nun "who was the first woman on Earth?"

The nun said that's easy it was Eve

The gates opened up and she went in

Then St Peter asked the third nun what was the first words Eve said to Adam?

The nun said "my that's a hard one"

The gates opened up and she went in

[sexZness]

Lol

[Isamu]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters




'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

[Isamu]

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay.

[Lemers]

God ask Adam why he was so down. And Adam said that he was lonely and needed a companion that could be his equal.

God said he could do this but it would cost Adam an arm and a leg.

Adam thought for awhile then asked God "what do I get for a rib?"