Thread all about jokes! (all kinds)

[TheWolfe]

I'll start

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The IRS decides to audit some old man and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor wasn't surprised when the guy showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you live an extravagant lifestyle, yet don't have full-time employment. It says here that say that this is your income is strictly by gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that to be true."

So the old man says bluntly "Look, I'm a great gambler and I can prove it to you. How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay, fine; go ahead."

The man says, "Alright. I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor looks closely at the man and decides: "It's a bet."

The old man removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

The man says, "Now, how about this: I'll bet you two thousand dollars--double the last bet--that I can bite down on my other eye."

Obviously, the auditor knows that the old man isn't blind, so he takes the bet. "There's no way I could lose this bet..." the auditor thinks to himself. The old man removes his dentures and very carefully bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three thousand dollars, with an attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Alright, now those two bets weren't very fair. You didn't know I had a glass eye and you also didn't know I wore dentures," said the old man. "I've got one last bet: I'll bet you ten thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee all the way into that trash can on the other side of your room and never get a single drop of piss anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is very cautious now--but he wants the money. He looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees for a third time.

The old man stands beside the auditor's desk and unzips his pants. Even though he pissed as hard as he possibly could, the stream just couldn't reach the trash can on the other side of the room. He ends up soaking every sheet of paper, the computer, and every memo all over the auditor's exotic wood desk.

The auditor leaps with joy! He just won $7,000 and turned a major loss into a huge win. In the corner, however, the old man's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"What's the matter--are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when he told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me fifty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"