Explaination to the tools you use!

370Zapper · 11-13-2009, 01:48 PM

Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh??!"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of a b*tch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Chico370Z · 11-13-2009, 03:28 PM

nice lol...

gotta add mill or lathe to that list...

MILLING MACHINE: used to shape metal, while flinging hot metal shavings which burn through your shirt and arm hair

LATHE: used to make cuts about an object as it spins about the axis of rotation. Very handy when the cutting tool is not in proper location (and chuck is not tightened all the way), thus flinging large metal object across garage.

molamann · 11-13-2009, 03:42 PM

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

^Also a readily available weapon to fend off crab people.

Anyways, +1 repped.

vipor · 11-13-2009, 05:13 PM

panel popper

cotter-pin puller (lol old school)

(too lazy to write a description right now)

phelan · 11-13-2009, 07:05 PM

Panel Popper - used to cause irreparable damage to cheap plastic parts found littered through your vehicle's interior. Occasionally will remove said panel.

370Zapper · 11-13-2009, 07:19 PM

Got some more:

Welder: Great for making you see spots of light for hours and giving you unwanted tans. Has the wonderful ability to make you think the metal you were just working on is not actually that hot.

Angle Gringer: Perfect for grinding everything around the spot you are trying to get at. Also works pretty well at removing unwanted skin.

Duct Tape: The whiteout/spell check of the mechanical world.

11-13-2009, 01:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
370Zapper Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 116 Drives: PG auto/sport 370Z Rep Power: 16	Explaination to the tools you use! Tools Explained DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh??!" SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. Son of a btch TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of a btch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

11-13-2009, 03:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
Chico370Z Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: East Bay, CA Posts: 233 Drives: 09 370Z Touring Rep Power: 16	nice lol... gotta add mill or lathe to that list... MILLING MACHINE: used to shape metal, while flinging hot metal shavings which burn through your shirt and arm hair LATHE: used to make cuts about an object as it spins about the axis of rotation. Very handy when the cutting tool is not in proper location (and chuck is not tightened all the way), thus flinging large metal object across garage. __________________ 04 Nissan Sentra SpecV: Brembos, Nismo Intake/Exhaust/Short Shifter, Eibach Sportlines, ES MMI - SOLD / / / 09 Nissan 370Z Touring: Invidia Gemini Exhaust, ERZ HFC, GTM 25 Row Cooler, Z1 Tubes, and K&N Drop Ins

11-13-2009, 05:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
vipor A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Euless, TX [ DFW ] Age: 42 Posts: 13,531 Drives: Nismo 09-0183 QAB Rep Power: 49	panel popper cotter-pin puller (lol old school) (too lazy to write a description right now) __________________ 2009 NISMO # 0193 \| QAB \| Albums! \| 05.04.10 (Dynojet) 291.94hp/248.28tq Oil Cooler (DIY) \| Custom Headlights \| GTSPEC Braces \| F.I. Long Tube Headers

11-13-2009, 07:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
phelan A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: CA Age: 38 Posts: 9,513 Drives: Scoobaroo Rep Power: 3406	Panel Popper - used to cause irreparable damage to cheap plastic parts found littered through your vehicle's interior. Occasionally will remove said panel. __________________ 凛 ('Rin') - 2009 Nissan 370Z With silence comes peace. With peace comes freedom. With freedom comes silence.

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11-13-2009, 03:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
molamann A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,666 Drives: 370Z with NAVVVVV Rep Power: 284	PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. ^Also a readily available weapon to fend off crab people. Anyways, +1 repped.

11-13-2009, 07:19 PM	#6 (permalink)
370Zapper Base Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 116 Drives: PG auto/sport 370Z Rep Power: 16	Got some more: Welder: Great for making you see spots of light for hours and giving you unwanted tans. Has the wonderful ability to make you think the metal you were just working on is not actually that hot. Angle Gringer: Perfect for grinding everything around the spot you are trying to get at. Also works pretty well at removing unwanted skin. Duct Tape: The whiteout/spell check of the mechanical world.