Talk me off the (figurative) ledge

warfdog

You are getting some really good feedback here, and some not. Don't take the 'you don't have a real issue - man up' comment too seriously. I'll tell you this - I have suffered from social and generalized anxiety my whole life. It does shape you but it does not have to destroy you. It also runs down genetic lines.

Here's a picture for you - since childhood I have moments when normal everyday sounds, lights, situations and voices sound angry and intense and dangerous. Kind words from a close friend or family member may sound like criticisms and attacks. A green car may seem like it's mocking me. Windy days make me on-edge. It can drive you crazy.

I have always know these were distorted perceptions and learned as a young child to watch what was happening with my crazy head. If I didn't who knows what could have happened.

For anyone not getting this - imagine, if you can, being in a situation where a lethal fight is just breaking out next to you, weapons and ager are drawn, something terrible is going to happen, and you have no control to stop it. And you can't get away or ask for help.

Now realize that is happening merely because the hum of the refrigerator or someone snapping their fingers to music in the next room. That's all that is real. For some, including my daughter and myself, we now call those trigger issues misophonia and we share it. Others, like us, also fit more of an unspecific 'generalized' or running anxiety almost all the time. It's overwhelming and it sucks.

As compensation we may become (with learned adaptations) more normal - clearly expressive at work and play, but probably lead a life of social avoidance, compensating for anxiety in social situations by avoiding them altogether. We favor activities and sports that are singular and individual like (for me) programming, writing, flying, driving, diving, etc. Social activities that really involve others are not high on our favorites list. We try - it's hard. We learn to avoid them and can be labeled a-social, anti-social or aloof.

Medication and counseling may help us. The only way to find out is to embark on some therapies with psychologists, psychiatrists, and other counselors. This is nothing to be afraid of. Introspection, meditation and 'finding yourself' can help accept what you are and make you stronger.

Realistically I think that this is all a spectrum of living and there are more of us experiencing something akin. For me - thanks god - I found some ways to cope.

Many famous and genius people have these issues - it's common. Robin Williams, Einstein, etc. Be strong and keep on truckin'