Originally Posted by Ish

While I have some free time...:

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes Home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is a sleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea!
Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"



A truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge; so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he says.

"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.

"Well, since you're about to die, before you jump, would you give me a blow job."
So, she does.

After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent.
Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

Why do African Baboons paint their nuts red?













So they can hide in the cherry trees.

So whats the loudest sound in the jungle?











Giraffes eating cherries.

Originally Posted by shadoquad

Three midgets in a bar, arguing over who is the smallest.

The first midget says, "I might not be smallest, but I guarantee that I have the smallest head."

The second midget says, "That may be, but I bet you I have the smallest hands of anyone."

The third one says, "Hmmm, I don't know, but I definitely have the smallest penis."

So, they all decide to go to Guiness to verify their claims. The first midget walks in and comes out some time later, grinning from ear to ear, holding a certificate. "Read it and weep, boys. Smallest human head of any adult."

The second one goes in and comes out some time later elated and jumping around, he too with a certificate in hand. "Check it out, LOSERS! Smallest hands of any adult human male."

The third midget goes in but comes out only a little while longer with no certificate. Upset beyond consolation, he cries. "Who the F*CK is this 'AK370Z' fella, anyway?"