Ended up pushing it back out onto the street and push starting it, I forget how heavy this thing is until I need to move it manually.
In related news, I hate newer cars, I really do. Car was in some kind of limp mode, no CEL's and no idea what could be causing it but the throttle was definitely being limited. Of all the things, the little rubber stop in the pedal for the brake light switch crumbled so the brake lights were on constantly, the ECU thought I was on the brakes and cutting power.
Hopefully it's run out of hurdles to throw in front of my path now....
