Nissan 370Z Forum - View Single Post - The 370z Useless Thread (Coors Lite version)

shumby · 03-04-2009, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Most horrible drink

The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

Most offensive cocktail

This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a '**** Pump'.

Greatest distance attained for a jet of semen

Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7 mph.

Longest turd

The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2 in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.

Widest turd

This was excreted by a 21 stone guy, and was 4 1/2 inches for most of its 8 1/2 length. The stool has since been preserved in alcohol.

Most prolonged fart

Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.Longest bogey

The longest dried bogey trail was found under a table at a well-known public school. It was measured at 26 2/3 inches long.

Most semen swallowed

Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.

Longest pubes

Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her minge.

Most cavernous fanny

Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.

Snail-Sucking (Live)

Armand Forcalquier, of Marseille, France, holds the record. In a contest held on Feb 12, 1992, Armand sucked down 1,238 live snails in a little over 4 hours. "It was not easy," Armand boasted after he learned the record was his. "They cling to their shells, but they can't get away from me."

Nose Stuffing (Limburger Cheese)

Hans Kleiber, of West Berlin, holds the record. In a contest held on May 1, 1986, Hans managed to stuff 13 ounces of limburger into his nostrils in less than a minute. Hans' closest competitor gagged on nine ounces and was disqualified.

Raw Kidney (Eating)

Alice Caldwell of Butte, Montana, holds the record. On Oct 22, 1991, Alice gobbled up more than 14 pounds of raw veal and lamb kidneys. "Kidneys are a good source of protein and vitamins," Alice told us. "If you cook them, you lose some of the vitamins. As you can see, I don't care about the record - I care about my health."

Cockroach (Largest)

Rita Carlson, of Pasadena, CA, claims the record for having raised the world's largest cockroach. Her record-setting roach is over a foot long and weighs close to two pounds (1992). "Plenty of protein," Rita told us, "and plenty of good, natural vitamins helped to make this roach into a champion. You should have seen it when I first found it crawling around my kitchen."

Socks (Continuous Wear)

Andy Schwartz, of Glen Ridge, NJ, claimed the record in 1989. In a sworn statement, Andy's wife declared that he had worn the same socks every day for twenty years and 114 days. In 1983, shoe stores throughout New Jersey banned Andy from their premises. Since then he has purchased his shoes through the mail. Andy plans to remove the socks and take a look at his feet in 1999.

Tapeworm (Longest)

Sally Mae Wallace of Great Grits, Mississippi, holds the record. On Sep 5, 1991, doctors extracted 37 feet (continuous) of tapeworm from Sally. "About after 20 feet of that thing had come out of my mouth," said Sally, "I just knew I had the record. I was really filled with joy."

Tongue (Hairiest)

Selma Ruby, of Dallas, Texas, holds the record. Selma's tongue is fully covered with hair(1992). "I've been thinking about having it removed by an electrolysist, though lately people have been telling me that it's beautiful."

Underarm Hair (Length)

Florence Floss of Ban, Idaho, holds the record. On July 15, 1992, the hair growing out of Florence's left armpit stretched to a length of 34 inches. This was more than enough for a record, but Florence hopes to have a yard of hair dangling from her armpit soon. "I shave the other armpit," Florence reported to us.

Feet (Smell)

On Aug 21, 1991, Wanda Lake, 18, broke the record held by George David. Wanda removed her shoes in the crowded lobby of a Los Angeles theatre. In the five minutes that followed, the lobby was a chaotic mass of panic-stricken people trying desperately to escape. In the mend, 42 people were sick, and 14 others had passed out.

Callus Collection

Florence Franklin of Peoria, IL, holds the record. As of Sept 12, 1992, Florence had over 200 pounds of callus (sheets of hardened skin) in her collection. "I shave it off people, they don't mind. Some people even autograph the big pieces."

Infestation of Mites (Group)

This record belongs to the 3,859 residents of Kildare, Montana. In 1989, visiting doctors certified that every person in the town was suffering from scabies, a skin disease caused by mite infection. "The mites seemed to be jumping from one person to another," the mayor of Kildare told us, "so we decided to get together and go for the record."