Circling back to answer my own thread.
After many hundreds of miles and headaches, I went ahead and unmarried the Cobb AP again and drove the car a ton. After removal, I finally started to get more meaningful codes, such as a P4056 very small evap leak. I took it to the dealership and after lengthy diagnostics, they found the hoses on the evap canister were reversed. This likely happened years ago when the exhaust was installed as the hoses had to be modified to reach the new location. How it read "ok" up until now or was suppressed was either the AP, though they claim not to specifically tamper with any of that or some other miracle.
Good news is after the hoses were swapped and less than 40 more miles driven (plus a single set overnight) all sensors came ready and I passed emissions without issue.
Unlikely someone else will run into the reverse hose issue, but if you can't get the sensors to come ready AND you happen to have one of the seemingly rare Cobb AccessPort tuners, I'd unmarry it and drive. The car doesn't love running without the tune, especially here at altitude but was able to get by.
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