The order you shift the gears in is not important, it's all about synchronizing gear speed and keeping engine RPM in the optimum range. Skip a gear or three if you want - just make sure you're not stressing the synchros too much or lugging/over-reving the engine.
As for engine-braking, I'm with most of the others: brake pads are a lot cheaper than rebuilt engines. But many people enjoy it and it's not doing that much damage if kept within reason.
At a long stop (eg, stop light), I'll put the xmission in neutral and let off the clutch to reduce wear & tear in the throwout bearing. As with engine-braking, probably doesn't make all that much difference.
Unless I was braking hard to make the stop, I keep my foot on the brake. As someone mentioned above, no brake lights can freak out other drivers.
IE, as far as the engine and xmission are concerned, shift the way you want to. Some methods are easier on the drivetrain but, unless you are being careless, you're not going to do that much damage. You have to decide if the extra fun is worth the extra maintenance/repairs.
YMMV
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