The pinout should be in the FSM. Usually right after the wiring diagrams.
If that doesn't help, there is often a diagram printed/molded on relays, showing which terminal does what (numbers won't always match those on the socket). You may have to pull the relay from the socket to see it.
If you're still stumped, you can use your VOM to ID the terminals on the relay. The coil will show some resistance (not a short and not an open). The contacts will change from open to short when the relay energizes.
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