You may have don things out of order- if you're already snapped the connector out of the slot on the car, pulling down on the gray lever may be difficult. The connector should be left in place, then pull the lever down until it hits the door. Close the door slightly and remove the door side female connector. Once that is done, you can remove the male connector (inside of the car) by reaching up and snapping it out.
Hope this helps.
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