Thank You For Calling Planet Of The Apes
Technical Support | Columbus, OH, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Hello?”
Me: “Hello?”
Customer: “Hello?”
Me: “Hello?”
Customer: “Hey Jon, check this out! The machine says hello back when I say hello!”
Me: “I’m not a machine, sir.”
Customer: “OH MY GOD, IT’S ADDRESSING ME!”
Me: “No, sir, I’m not a machine!”
Customer: “Oh… so you’re one of them human peoples?”
Me: “Yes, sir, I am a human peoples.”
----------
An Inconvenient Convenience
Bank | Cape Cod, MA, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, I just got my statement in the mail and it says at the bottom to call this number for questions?”
Me: “Yes, that’s right.”
(A long pause follows.)
Customer: “OK, so…what are the questions?”
Me: “No ma’am, that’s in case you had any questions about your statement that you wanted to ask us.”
Customer: “Oh OK, good. Because I really don’t have the time to be answering your questions.”
----------
I’ll Go Where He’s Going
Travel Agents | London, UK
Me: “Thank you for calling [travel agency]. Which brochure would you like to order?”
Customer: “I’d like to order ten virgins, please.”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Customer: “Ten virgins, please–”
(There’s a moment of silence; the customer and I both realize at the same time that he meant to say ‘ten Virgin Holiday Brochures’. To keep the conversation from going awkward, I chime in.)
Me: “How fresh would you like your virgins, sir?”
Customer: “This year’s editions will be fine, thanks!”
Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes